2010!!!!

Happy New Year!!!! 

Another year has pass and I'm actually pretty excited about this year. 2009 was a trying year. So many things has happened I'm glad that we survived it. Like many people out there, I'd like to set  a New Years' resolution, but i'm afraid that it wouldn't be of use. I've learned that i should not plan...it ususally doesn't turn out the way i want it. So this year I plan on just LIVING! ONE DAY AT A TIME! I might set up a few "realistic" goals for 2010. Hopefully i will manage to keep those.

While in Medical school in 2005..we did a collage for one of our classes and it was a goal collage. I had:

1. Be "super" mom
2. Get my dream car (Mazda 3)
4. Buy a bigger new home
5. Have the perfect job


Being "super" mom is still on my list and I can say that it will always be on my list. Being a mom will never be the same, everyday is a challenge and I only hope that I am patient and understanding of my kids. I have to remember I was a kid once, so i sometimes have to relax a bit. So what if the room won't be perfectly clean...my room wasn't when i was a kid. Ok so they sometimes don't listen but i know deep down inside they know what's right and wrong...they just want to be kids-for now!

I didn't get my dream car, which is ok by me.. At that time I wanted it but i'm ok with our Toyota 4Runner. I love my baby!

So goal #4 is still my goal....I'm sad to say that it is mostly my fault that we have not gotten to #4 yet. Sometimes I question myself. Am I worth it? When will I ever reallly "grow up"? My husband depended on me to help out. I got the job, things were looking great. Then BAM I hit him in the gut and tell him I couldn't deal with it any longer. My job was stressing me out. The boss was obsessive with everything he did...he was paranoid to no end..afraid of law suits and so he would sometimes take it out on us. His wife was demanding. She was the office manager. She was hardly ever in the office and when she was she was mostly on the internet playing her games or talking on her phone with her Chinese friends. She wanted/expected so much from us each day that I ended up going in to work with the mentality of "ok so what will i be doing wrong this time? She wanted so much from us but yet she give us little in return. Everything was expected of us. We couldn't question her actions but she questioned every step we took. There was no "our way" it was always "her way". If you didn't like it..."there's the door". is what she would say. This was her office. And the doctor would say that also if we had something to say.
So my job was driving me nuts...I loved what i was doing, but didn't love who i was working for and what they stood for. She told me when she interviewed me that she wanted me to think of the office as my family. I did and I thought she did. But when my son broke his arm and I wanted to be there for him, I was not allowed. She didn't like it that I had went home early on the day of his surgery so I can be there. When I had missed 2 days of work being in the hospital with him she was upset. Totally understandable. I was depended on at work. But she told me to take care of things with my son. When I had issues with the Immigration about my green card she was upset I had to take half a day to go take care of it. When she took me in her office to give me my review I was ravashed! She shredded me to near tears. What hurt the most was "you have to set priorities (hope i spelled that right). You have a job to do and that job should be my priority. I know you have a family but you need to set what is #1 and set them apart." I wanted to walk out of that office that instant but I thought of my family. My husband was counting on me and my kids were too. They were so proud of me when i graduated, I didn't want to disappoint them at all. So i stuck with it for as long as i could. And then I couldn't anymore. I quit!!! It was the greatest feeling of all. Felt like a heavy rock had been lifted off my shoulder. Lien knew I was unhappy with the place and after so many months of "talking about it" he agreed that I should quit. He didn't like their "antics" that they were playing with us too. But I know deep inside he was sad. He was sad that our "new home" would be put off to the side...again.I know how much he wanted us to be happy, I knew he wanted so bad to buy us a new home, one with a fenced in yard, pool and my nice sized dinning room for me to entertain. But he never showed it, because he loved me so much, he only wanted me to be happy. How about me then? Did I love him enough to stay in that job so I could help him? Sometimes I ask myself that. I know I love him, but why couldn't I do anything right? Why couldn't I help?
I know some day we will have that new home but for now we are content with this home of ours. We have shared many memories in this home and that is what really matters. Not a big home with a pool or a nice size dinning room....those things don't really matter. The memories we make are what really matters.

So that takes me to #5. The perfect job....Lets get real. There is no perfect job. What is the job the most near to perfect? Being a wife to Lien and mother to Nilun and Naree! And that is the only job I'll be happy to have any day and any life time!

So this new year I vow to not take my self too seriously and take things as they come. No more setting goals instead more of seeing what the future holds. I got into this marriage not knowing who Lien was or what I was getting into and quite frankly, I like not knowing what is to come. So bring it on 2010! I'm ready to take you head on. But please be gental, I'm fragile and I think we are due big time for some good luck our way!

On a good note. Have a blessed New Year all my family and friends. May all your blessings be filled with happiness and laughter. My your goals be fulfilled and enjoyed. And live life like you were dying!