Friday, February 10, 2012

post baby blues?

There has been a lot of things going on here with us for the pass few weeks. My mother-in-law has been in the hospital for a few weeks now. Everyone is stressed out over her care. All her kids have been here on and off.

I had a baby while my mother-in-law was in the hospital. So you can imagine how things have been. It has been a roller coaster ride for sure.

I've enjoyed the company after coming home from the hospital. I was relieved to have the company. In fact i still wish i had the company..........i feel alone. My sister-in-laws were here too so they kept me occupied.

But what and who i missed the most is Lien. He has been very busy since his mother came back and has been in the hospital. He has been very worried about her and have been going back and forth to the hospital checking in on her. He loves his mom dearly.
I am so sad to see him so stressed and worried.............I wish there was something i could do to help him. But there isn't........
All i could do is give him support.

There have been times i feel like being a selfish wife and just tell him............"hey i need your attention too."
I know when he looks at me {whenever he has the time to take a look} he can see how i feel but i'm trying to stay strong for him.
I want him to know i'm here for him whenever he needs me.

But i'm really feeling the pressure now.
Since the birth of our 3rd child, i have not had the love and companionship from my husband so i feel left out, unloved and alone sometimes. I know that sounds so selfish of me but that is how i feel sometimes.
I only wish that i could just have some time with him..........
It's been lonely without him here with us. I feel alone, sad and hopeless.......
It's like i'm walking in a daze just trying to figure out how to survive the day.
I really wish he could be home with me. I feel scared all the time......especially at night. I get this feeling and i can't shake it off. I wish he was here to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright.
I just miss my husband so much.
Again that's me being selfish.
I understand his need to be there for his mom and family. I WANT him to be there for them and her.

But man, i sure miss my husband.
I can't function straight without him. I only get him for a few hours of the day and he is so tired and sleepy at night, there's not even time for us to talk.

I hope things will improve soon and i hope/pray/wish that my mother-in-law will get well soon.

And i hope i get my husband back, even for just a few hours.

I'm not being selfish, i just want everything to go back to the way it used to be. With every one well and happy. We need some happiness right now.............all of us.

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