Feelings and such....

It's been a while since i've updated. Guess i was caught up with everything...or maybe it was i wasn't that sure of what i wanted to say. It's not that i've been at a lose for words. Trust me.....i've got plenty to say. :)

I guess I just haven't really had the time to think about everything that's been going on around me? Being pregnant kinda leaves you in a 'blah' kind of sense huh? Or is that just me? lol

I've been a little different with this pregnancy. I'm a bit scared at times but always excited. I just can't wait for my stomach to show already! I've been pregnant 2 other times but this time it's a bit different. I actually am more into it, as in like, I am totally digging it!!! I want to dress up and show people that "yeah I am pregnant, see my belly?" It's like i want to show it off where as my other two I didn't care. I wasn't hiding it nor showing it. And i simply didn't really pay attention to it at all.

With this one, i am paying way more attention to it. We are hoping for a boy - long story. Well the short of it is, there is plenty of girls roaming around our family - PLENTY! So Nilun is pretty much always the boy out of the group, so we'd like for him to have a little 'dude' walking around with him.
I've always thought to myself that if i become pregnant again, I definitely want to dress up nice and make myself look good. But the first time i wore a dress while pregnant a few weeks ago. My friends were saying "oh it's definitely a girl, she's wearing a dress." So i've opted to not wear dresses, simply because i want the aura of having a boy. Makes sense? It's not that i don't want a girl, any would be fine or both! Yes i said it, both is fine too.

But a boy would really be great. Also because i think Naree would probably be better off as the only girl. I grew up with 3 older sister and although i love them dearly....some days i wish i was the only girl. And i've always wished i had a brother.
We always wish for things we don't have right?

All i'm hoping for is a healthy baby. I've been too focused on this baby that my mind is racing with thoughts and i get lots of nightmares this time around. Well not like i don't get nightmares but you get the drift?
My mind is thinking of things i shouldn't be thinking of. I really hope it goes away soon. Really it's starting to get annoying. I just want to enjoy being pregnant not paranoid.

On a brighter note. Everyone is elastic about our little bundle of joy to come. Mom is totally over the moon. My sister is already talking of taking my baby away to live with her if it's a boy. Naree is talking about dressing 'her' up and playing house. Can you tell what 'kind' she wants?
Nilun is already giving an ultimatum....."if it's a girl, you guys OWE me BIG!"
Lien? Well he claims still to this day that "i had nothing to do with it, i was asleep the whole time, she did it all on her own!". Yeah- no one really believes him but we'll let him think that. :)
Just like when i was in labor, he adamantly said "i was pushing the whole time, all you did was lay there!"
Of course you all know, Lien is a big jokester right?
Me? I'm at a lost for words. Words can't describe how i feel right now. I've been wanting this for a very long time. I guess Lien might have been right on a few things. I might have conspired to get pregnant.....can you blame me?

Totally kidding people.

We didn't even plan on it, it just happened and we are excited about it. We can't wait for this little one to come out and say 'hello'.
For now, let me enjoy this and maybe i can wear a dress like those mega movie stars who are pregnant and looking hot in their dresses. That's all i want, to feel pretty and hott while pregnant because being pregnant is already a beautiful thing. I just want to add a little more to it.

This pregnancy has really been kicking my butt. Totally different from my last two. Last two? Was a breeze. I ate like a 'pig' with Nilun, gained over 55 pounds. Yes i was pretty fat and happy! But i was also 17 and really still trying to adjust to being married and living in a new place without my family.
With Naree i only gained 20 pounds but i did still eat like a pig. Wonder why i didn't gain as much? With Naree i notice i get notice by guys a lot, i actually got a few free stuff. I was looking very pretty with Naree, nice clear skin. Now? Not so much......
With this one? Well lets just say I'm surprised...this is really kicking my butt - like Jackie Chan came by and kicked my a**.
I'm so tired ALL THE TIME. I can't sleep at night {okay so i was a night owl before but it's gotten worst}. It's uncomfortable to sleep on my nice new soft bed....i'm sleeping on the sofa most days. And i lack a lot of energy. I get a lot of headaches now, major. I get sick a lot now {which never happened with my last two}. And the list goes on.
Not to mention i'm afraid of how labor will be now. Now that i'm older, will it be tougher? I've heard stories that when you're older it'll be harder and stuff. So it's got me on edge. I hope i can still do it naturally...

There is one thing that i've noticed that has changed a bit and i'm not quite sure if it's the pregnancy hormones or just me...but i've noticed that i'm a little more out spoken now. I will actually speak what's on my mind, well i still hold it back a bit but sometimes i just tell you like it is. I guess it could be a good and bad thing right?
It's a bad timing right now though, i'm a little more emotional then most. My close close friend who will eventually become our child's' godmother has moved away. It's a bad transaction for me right now with all these hormones going haywire.
So now i'm left with not much to go by. She is the one i go out to dinner with and do stuff with, now who will be my pregnant buddy? Who'll take me out to dinner?
I wish my best friends were here, Bori and Brandy or John...I truly miss them a lot. Not just because my close friend here has moved away. I've always missed them. I just want them to be here with me with this pregnancy. I feel like I need a friend with me now more than ever to experience my joy with me.

So if i look totally awful and looking like i need some sleep or a new face all together lets just tell me i look ok. I'm loving being pregnant and i'm enjoying every moment.

Here's to a few more months of pure bliss and ragging hormones!

This rides' gonna be fun!!!