ramblings

I'm not sure what i want to write or say....
not sure how i'm suppose to go at it.
I'm sometimes at a lost for words and sometimes I've got too much to say...
i'm stuck between a world of chaos...
don't know where or what to look for.
Sometimes i feel as though life has dealt me some shitty stuff.......and sometimes it has been kind.
Such is life i suppose.

I'm not sure how or what you want me to be.
I'm stuck trying to figure you out.
What would you like me to be?
What do you want me to be?
How do you want me to be?
Am i not enough?
What i am now? Is that not enough?

I'm not sure how to go along in this life of mine....
stuck between this life of trying to be too much or not trying hard enough.
Thought i had tried everything but apparently that's not enough?
Some days there are smiles and some there aren't.
I'd really wish for more smiles than frowns.

How would you like me to be?
And if i haven't changed, would you still love me?
What if this is who i am?
This lazy-good-for-nothing kind of person?
Would you still love me then?

I'm not fond of myself........
i don't blame you for your feelings?
I sometimes hate myself too.

Some day you'll smile again.
Because that someday, i should probably be gone.