Loser venting

I've been contemplating if i should do a post like this for many reasons. One reason being that i never want my friends to think any less of me. But i've come to a point that maybe this is what my friends should know, then they could understand me a little bit more. Does that make sense?


After looking at peoples' vacation pictures and reading of their many adventures, i some what feel a little sick. Not sick of what i'm seeing or reading. Sick of myself. I'm not jealous of what they have or anything. I'm just made at myself that we couldn't do those things. And i KNOW that it is my fault. I'm probably not the best person to be in charge of finances but my husband has made me in charge....oh what a wrong thing to do. Me and money?....we don't mix well. 
I wish that our family can go on vacations too. And the reason that we don't is because i've been neglectful....i've been selfish. Instead of being out there and making some money too so that our family can afford those things. I'm just here, at home and not helping. What is wrong with me? NOTHING! Except that i'm a lazy selfish person. My family is suffering because of me. I feel like a loser once again. I can tell myself over and over again that i'm a good person but i'd be lying to myself. 
I wish i could be someone else. Someone who will be better at being me. Because i haven't been a good example even to myself. 
I'm sorry to my family. I wish i could be more to them........i wish i could give more. Guess my husband made a mistake. He had everything before he married me... Now he has nothing. I am the bad luck. I'm sorry for all the bad luck i've brought along. I don't want to cry but the tears flow. I'm not trying to make any one feel sorry for me. I want to tell myself that i've been a neglectful mother and wife. I've been a disappointment to the people who matters the most to me. I wish to tell myself that it would be better if i weren't in their lives. But i want to be selfish on this one. I love these people too much to not be a part of their lives. All i'm saying is I need help here. How do i make myself a better person. What can i do so that my family can get that vacation that they deserve? I want them to have the best but they can't have it with me in it. 
I hate myself for being me. I wish i was a better person for them. 


Doesn't matter. I'm only venting out....i don't even know what i'm doing anymore. Or what my purpose is. Who am i kidding? 
And no i'm not trying to get any sympathy from anyone. I'm just merely venting to myself. 
I hope someday i will make my family proud. Someday!

throw back

Since i still can't transfer my pictures from my camera because the laptops' USB hub is broken i have to result into posting old pictures on here, hence the "throw back" title. I really wish i would work but i'm sure it won't....ever. So all i can do now is wait for my sons' computer to be fixed and do it then or go over to moms' every time i need to load my pictures-which is a pain. 
But oh well what more can i do? I still want to keep on posting though. 
A little walk into memory lane is not bad at all......it'll keep me satisfied till our computer comes home. 

 This picture is quite old. Probably some time in 2005! My sisters' engagement. They've since broken up but it was still a wonderful and hectic day! 
Back when things were a little better between some of us. I'll never forget this day.......both the good and bad memories. It is so weird to see how things have turned out. How one little thing, one little mistake can actually change the course of a life time. It's sad to think about but life does go on. We look pass peoples' insecurities and selflessness and try to see the good in every situation. But when do we actually get to say "i give up" " i'm done"? Do we know how to forgive and forget? Do we actually forgive and forget? Can we? 
The answers lie within ourselves. But we must ask ourselves?..........How much can you forgive and forget? 
I've chosen to move on with my life. 
But the memories will hold dear to my heart.........because no matter what the issues are. 
FAMILY IS FAMILY

 

This is the family i was born into. I thank Heavenly Father for the parents he gave. Thank you for a wonderful loving and caring mother who sacrificed so much for her children. Thank you for a mother who never gave up for her children. Thank you for every moment i have to share with this woman!
Thank you for a father who tried hard to care for children that were not his own. Thank you for his determination to help a woman care for her children. Thank you for someone who cares enough to try his hardest, (even at times when he doesn't) tries his hardest to be a better person. Thank you for his happiness in being called "dad"! 
Thank you for sisters that fight and bicker but still some how we love each other. We may fight, argue and say we hate each other but deep down we still love each other. Thank you for all the moments we shared as sisters, friends and now as mothers. Thank you for the many nights of giggles and whispers talking about boys and ghost stories. Thank you for sisters who always try their hardest! Thank you for the fights and arguments because it has made us stronger people individually and has opened our eyes. Thank you for the tears of happiness and sadness that we've shared throughout the years. 

(i have to add a little thank you to a brother-in-law who is every bite the awesomeness that he is! Life would be strange and uneventful without him in it...who would i gossip with? Thank you for a brother-in-law who doesn't even deserve the in-law term.............He is my brother! He is family! He is more then just an in-law........he is our heart. We are thankful for him...for all the dramas he puts up with. Thank you for Randy, he takes every thing into consideration. He tries every new thing we push on him--be it trying new Lao food or our bitchiness at times. But we all know that he loves the drama!)

Of course thank you for such wonderful nieces and a nephew
. 
Jasmine: Thanks for all your wackiness and strangeness. We really do need an insane one in the family and no one does it better than you!
But we do love you. You are a wonderful girl. You care deeply about your friends and family. You are such a joy to have in our family. 

Randall: Thank you for being a sweet boy who is always so loving and playful. You may play way too hard and intense at times but hey we love you...because that's you. We love that you are so loving towards everyone and such a sweet and sensitive boy. Please stay that way.

Bella: We love how you can just walk out of any room naked and not have a care in the world. We love that you are just so sweet and playful. You are always entertaining us whether you are picking up dog poo and thinking it's chocolate or running around naked with no care...it blesses our hearts to have such a nice laugh. Doesn't hurt that you are gorgeous either! ; ) 

Last but certainly not lest....Thank you for this wonderful family you've bestowed upon me. Without these sweet faces i would be lost, uncertain of my life and future. They have shaped my future so wonderfully and masterfully. Thank you for all our adventures and happiness. Thank you for bringing such loving, caring and beautiful people into my life. 
Thank you for an eternity with them.

~~~AMEN!

Amatur

I've had the camera for at least a month now. I'm still working on it, messing around with it. Just trying to find the right lighting and functions. I love messing with it but I'm getting frustrated that i still can't get the pictures to come out the way i want it. Anyone want to help me with it? Any advice? I'll still continue working on it and finding that perfect setting. I really hope i find it soon, I'm getting irritated that I can't make my pictures just right. 
Any advice would be gladly appreciated! 

This is the camera i'm talking about but i'm sure most cameras have almost the same settings right? Just almost. So any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! I love it.

 

violent tensions!

We are finally up and running! Well not quite but we are half way there. A few weeks ago my laptop went capoot! Like it totally died on us. Nothing was working, we couldn't even turn on the laptop. Turns out the motherboard died on us. So we had his brother-in-law to fix it for us. Keep in mind that it took 3 weeks for us to finally remember that his brother-in-law (well ex-bro in law- only reason why i say that is because they are divorced but they are still together. Does that make sense? Oh well)
knows a lot about computers- he's a wizz at it. Anyways it took him about 2 weeks to get it fixed and gave us a new motherboard and everything. The only sucky thing about it is that my DVD player doesn't work anymore, so with that we had to buy an external CD drive to connect to the laptop. Well we all know there goes more $$$ into this laptop. Oh and did i mention that the USB hub sometimes does not work? If i connect something to it with a USB i have to plug it in and then restart the laptop for it to read the USB. Yes very time consumming and not to mention very irritating. When i got that all fixed i wanted to start on my newsletter for my church and guess what happened?

Drum roll please!!!.......

My printer doesn't work. It won't print, no matter what i do. So i figure i just have to re-install the cd for the printer because i re did my laptop right? It's a no brainer! ; ) So i look and look every where and i could not find it anywhere. I found every single CD of every single electronic i have ever own - even the ones i don't even have anymore - i just could not find it anywhere. Because for my printer to work i have to re-install it. I did something on the laptop and actually found the printer and added it through the internet...Yay it's installed!! NOT QUITE....now it won't print. Keeps on saying "printing error" "printer not responding"....what a drag! Argghhhhhh i am ready to drop kick it! So my brother-in-law comes over to check it out. And he says there's not much to do about it, i'll have to call Canon and get a CD for that specific printer. That would cost me about $25....what a bummer, more $$$ going into this laptop. So he gave me a good idea. He says he usually just go buy the stuff, program it into the laptop and copy the CD...then return it.
So i figure i don't really want to spend $25 just on a CD to make my printer print so i gave in and did what he told me to do. Usually i don't take things back. Even if i bought cloths and they don't fit or something, i just don't take them back. But since i have a friend that does that all the time i've been doing it too. Which isn't bad, i mean why keep it if it doesn't fit or work right? So i figured the same with the printer. I mean all i needed was the CD, i'll return the thing.
So i went to Best Buy and bought the printer...on SALE i might add. $99.00!!!!
It took me 2 days to try to install this thing. First i install it and everything is in and perfecto!!!...it works. But with me being so curious (typical monkey behavior) i accidentally clicked on something and boom...it doesn't work....again! ooooiii me.
So i uninstall the whole thing and try to work it again. Now it doesn't work, no matter what i do it won't work. I try to install it wirelessly and no...nothing. Tried it via a USB hub and...NO NADA! What gives/???? At this time i am about to drop kick this darn thing! I am so aggravated!
So i had Lien try to fix it. He couldn't do anything about it. I'm like what? Are you surious? So i gave it another try this morning. Took me 3 hrs but i finally did it!!!!!!!!!!! YAY ME! I had to un-install and then re-install AND....AND install it manually! Guess why it wasn't working before?
It was going to the wrong port...so everytime i want to print it keeps on popping up "print to file name..." and it wouldn't print. AND i know why i couldn't get it to work when it should have worked. The USB hub!.....like i said before. I HAVE to restart the laptop every time i connect a USB hub. So now i can't print or scan wirelessly, i have to connect with a USB. So now i have to go through the pain of restarting my laptop everytime i need to print..
Now i can only print or scan while connected through the USB hub. Oh well better then nothing right? At least i got it to work.
I must admit, i'm pretty handy! Good thing i kept my cool and didn't destroy that thing.
Electronics and i are having some relationship issues right now. First my laptop, my printer and then my camera. No worries i just went to Best Buy today and got my new camera since the other one (which i just bought not so long ago) also went CAPOOT on me too! Wow what is up with this?

Well this is my adventure with my laptop. It's kind of a love hate relationship. I'm just glad everything i working for the time being. Now i can work on things i should be working on.

We are ready to roll!!!!

Time Machine

(aren't they the picture of perfection? Ok so i might be a little biased but i'm sure lots will agree with me.. I made some beautiful looking kiddos! this one picture has to be atleast 4 years old)

Don't you just wish that sometimes you could jump into a time machine and go back to when your children were smaller? I sometimes wish i could. Looking at old pictures really brings back memories. Memories of the good ole' days, or in some cases the bad ole' days. But they were still memories of our lives. Sometimes i wonder what life would be like if this hadn't happen or that hadn't happen. What if i hadn't gotten married? What if we didn't get pregnant right away? I could go on. But come to think of it, i really don't care anymore. I'm glad at where we are right now. So what if we can't do what we use to do. Just pick up and go where ever we want without worrying. So what if we can't afford a few of the things we use to. Ok so we wish we could still have more money, but oh well. Nothing more we can do about that. All we can do is look forward and hope for a better and brighter future.
I'm grateful for the things i have now and the people i have in my life. They are what makes my world spin. So thank you God for bringing them into my life.
This post isn't posted for any reason except for venting and expressing a few things. And maybe sharing some old photos. Maybe it's to help me remember why i love this life that i have and why i should always be thankful.

She is such a jokester! This kid is always up to something. And she still has time to be a girly girl too!

awww! look at these soccer stars! This is from 07-08 season. Aww i miss those days....please time machine, don't go so fast!

We just can't wait for this to start up again. Come on sun...shine. We'd like to get out to our so called "beach" and start playing again. It's time to put away the sweaters and hoodies. This is shorts and tanks season, come on now get with the program! ; ) So so you all know, we've never been to a real beach so this is as close as we get to a beach. It's actually Lake Erie!

Ok this is not an old picture. It was taken about 3 weeks ago....not totally old. But this is what happens when my little girly girl becomes the goofy jokester Naree! Poor Yuki. He gave up fighting her. Oh and yes that is her dress his wearing.

Time does fly by so quick! Don't waste another minute thinking of the what ifs'. Go live your life and be thankful for each and every minute you get.

This is why

This is why I love these people! They are so cute. And the greatest people I'm so grateful to have in my life. Although this picture is old but I can assure you, they are still this cute, plus 10 times more! ; )
(my camera is dead and they've ordered me a new one..i wanted to keep posting with the camera so i got some old pictures to share! This is actually fun to go back and share some great pictures!....sure miss taking pictures though, so i hope Best Buy will call me soon!)

There's always a first

On Monday morning Jasmine ended up at the ER. We're not sure what is going on...at first they thought it was her appendix but now they are sure it's not? They say food posioning.
We visited her last night at the Cleveland Clinic. It was not so fun to find the building though. That place is huge! Wow!!! It took us a few tries around the block to finally find the entrance. Cleveland Clinic why do you have to be soo big? ; )
Anyways she looks good and seems to be doing well. Thank goodness for that! Hopefully she'll be able to come home today. We really do miss teasing you! It's not fun when you are not here! We've missed your cooky personality! So get well soon and let the teasing begain!!! ; ) Ok ok we'll give you a break for a few days!

Mothers Day

For Mothers' Day we didn't do much. We went to church and the young womans gave us flowers and cake. We went to my moms' after church to spend some time with her! Naree made me a cute bookmark from school and she made me this cute little dessert. I wish i had taken a picture of it. It was 2 Herseys chocolate, vanilla frosting inside of the two herserys and she cut up pieces of strawberry to scattered them all over the chocolate. And then she topped it with sugar. It was so cute and yummy too!
Here's to all the mommies out there! Withouth us mommies the world wouldn't go round....Sure men can live without us, but they definately wouldn't survive!

I feel so blessed to be blessed with such a wonderful mother. A mother who cares so much about us. In this life time i don't think i could ever repay her for my life, this wonderful life she has given me!

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being so selfless in all that you do!

Thank you for every struggle you've been through to put us where we are today!

Thank you for making me go with you everyday to pick up those boxes in the alley so we could sell them to get money. (i'm sorry i wasn't much help though, cuz i was so shy. when some one would walk by or drive by i would drop everything and hide....now i wish i hadn't)

Thank you mom for not allowing me to go anywhere. I know i didn't like it at the time but now i understand why. You only wanted to keep me safe from the cruel world. And you are right, it is a cruel world out here.

Thank you for all the things you've taught us...all the things you've tried to teach us. It may seem like we weren't listening but in reality we were. And i'm so glad that we did!

Thank you for waking up every single day even on the days that you were sick to go to work so that we may have food on the table and cloths to wear.

Thank you for being such a strong and hard working mother. You worked two jobs for so many years so that we may have things girls should have! You sacraficed so much for us and for that we are eternally grateful!

Thank you for being the kind of mother i want to be! You are such an inspiration to me!

Thank you for all the life lessons you've instilled upon me, i hope i can be such a woman as you!

There are so many things i am grateful for having you as my mom....i wouldn't be able to put it all in writing. All i want to say is THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

Without you i'd be lost! I've learned so much from you and i continue learning from you! You are my inspiration.

You were never selfish! You always tried your best to teach us and to guide us. I'm sorry if i've ever disapponited you! I didn't mean to! Today is Mother's Day but to me, every day is Mothers' day! Because every day i love you more!

I love you!

Now that I'm a mother myself! I'd like to be the kind of mother my mom was. Always so nurturing! I vow to strive to be my best for us guys. I hope i am and will be a mom to the best of me! I love you very much and i'm so glad that you are my kids! I love You!

monkeying around, soccer and some derby!

On Friday Naree had a friend over.. Now it might not seem so interesting but for Naree it really is. This is the first year she's been able to invite a friend over to play after school! So you can imagine her excitement! They played outside and decided to climb my tree! Such little monkeys! ; ) They watch Sleep Over for the 100th time, i think!..or more

On Saturday Naree had a game. Yes it was freezing cold but they still played. I was sitting out there on the bleachers freezing my butt off and to add insult to injury (so to say) it started to rain and the wind started to pick up! It was not a good day. During 2nd quarter the goalie from the other team disappeared! Like for real. She just decided to pick up and go. When Narees' team mate tried to make a goal, the ref blew the whistle because there was no goalie...all the parents and players were like "where's the goalie?". Naree's coach yelled to the other coach "where's your goalie?". Other coach didn't even know where his goalie was! Turns out she was cold and she decided she had had enough of it! So she went to her mom and was ready to go home! How is that for being a DIVA! So sorry to have taken your time! (insert scarcasm here). I really feel her pain but really?....you just walk out on your team like that? If i were her coach....um wait lets not go there.

Naree is the green jersey #2

On the good note, Naree's team won 4-0!!! Naree made a goal!....but they did cancell the game anyways....the rain was coming down hard and it was too cold! Oh well still a good game, it will be rescheduled!

Also on Saturday the church had a derby! It was pretty cool to see the cars and chit chat with friends. I think Lien and Mike went kinda too fancy on there car! It was way too fast for the track. Can't blame them, they didn't know that the track would be curved! But overall it was a pretty good idea. The kids enjoyed watching all the cars and playing around. I felt kinda bad though, because the little baby girl there cried every time Mike and Lien launched their car! It was really loud! I think they will be doing it again next year!

Lien checking out the track....the car kept on flipping every time it hit the curve!

had a do a few minor repairs to the car

here we go!

The contestants! Winner was Aaron Lewis!

Spring

I love Spring! Only for one reason!.....the beautiful blooming flowers! The colors are so vivid and enlightening! I could sit and stare all day long. My allergies on the other hand...they don't like Spring. In fact I think they dispise it! I wake up everyday fighting to breath and go to sleep everyday trying to find just the right position to sleep so i can breath. And that's after i've taken my daily dose of drugs! ; )....um i mean allergy meds. Which could very well be my "drugs". Since i just could not live with out them.
On days that my allergies allow me to enjoy the flowers I venture out with my camera and try to capture mother natures' creations! And isn't it mesmerizing? Spring brings so much, what with the rain and storms. But it also has its' perks......the many beautiful vivid colors of nature! I can't wait for Summer to come along!

What are these called? Well I call them Teardrops because they look like tear drops. They grow so fast and big....they spread too, i have so much my mom took some home to plant!

My ferns are growing quick too! They spread all over the place. We've had to chopped em' off a few times but they keep on spreading all over. So we just pretty much move em' closer together. It looks so gorgeous with them bunched in together!

Here's a white one. Don't know where it came from. I only planted pink ones but these white ones kinda creeped in from somewhere!

My Orchids are still going strong!

Forgot what the name of this one is. But it's blooming very well and fast too! It's always full bloom!

Here's to Spring. Bring on the rain (for my plants and flowers) but please not too much. Do bring more sun shine though! I'd appreciate it! ; )

The calm after the storm

I have to apologize for the post yesterday. I was venting...i was feeling a little emotional. I know a lot of mothes/wives out there have those days too. I'm not the only one. But it feels like when i let it out, it seems to feel better.
Yesterday it rained....really hard and it seems strange but it calmed me down, emotionally. I don't know what it is but the rains always seems to take my emotions away for just a few minutes. The sound of the rain drops are like the sounds of my fears, doubts and everything else subsiding for just a moment. It's like music to my soul. If you actually sit down and listen to the drops, it tells you something. To me it's saying "don't worry, tomorrow will be another day and it should be a better day". Well at least it's what i want it to say.
Watching the rain fall from my window has bring me back to a calmness. I'm thankful for the rain! Watching them fall on the leaves and branches of my trees and flowers and watching them fall/slide down from them and drop to the ground...that's like my emotions saying "i'm here today, but tomorrow i'll be gone". And that's exactly what i feel today. Those emotions are gone...for now. I know they are inside of me but for now they are going to be locked up.
Thank you rain storm for bringing back my emotions....this time the good ones. For a storm so loud and frightening, you sure do bring good things though! For that I am grateful for mother natures' answer to my prayers.

When i saw those drop falling on this flower try of mine (sorry can't think of the name of the flower right now) all the emotions i had subsided. It brought peace to my soul and mind. I don't know what it is with the rain but i'm grateful for it. It came at such a perfect time. I had to grab my camera and take a snapshot! I think it's beautiful...don't you?

This is poor Yuki yesterday. I was not feeling up to par and he wanted some company. I guess i wasn't such good company yesterday. Sorry Yuki! I'm better today! Isn't he such a cutie!

wishes,prayers,help and venting

I'm not sure what i want to write or say, there's so much going in and out of my head. These pass few days have been draining. Physically and emotionally. I'm not sure how i'd approach it, would it be me just begging for attention or is it that i'm at a place now that i just can't keep it inside anymore? I'm not even sure how to answer that one either.
My heads' a jumble of a mess. So many things running through. How could i have let it get so messed up? Every day i pray to you, GOD, that you would help me be a better person. For myself and for my family. I don't want to be this person anymore. I'm tired of being me, tired of being a waste of time and energy to the people around. How could i just let them down every time? What is wrong with me? Why can't i do anything right?

These emotions come and go and i wonder if it's something inside me. Something deeper, something that is out of my hands? I don't want to admitt but some times i think about it.
Depression is a hard word for me to tell myself. But is it really depression? Or am i just telling myself that just to give myself an excuse? I hate having to feel this way all the time.
I think the problem is ME!!! I'm the problem....has to be. What else would there be? I have the best husband. A man who understands and support everything that i do. Although sometimes i think he'd like to give up but he is still here. He gives his best and tries his hardest to understand.
I have kids who are great! Sure they don't listen sometimes, but all kids are like that. They are overall great kids.
So what the hell is wrong with you NOY??
Get over it, go on with it! What is the big deal?
I wish i knew. I wish i knew what i'm suppose to do. I'm not much of a wife or mother. I can tell myself that i am, but i'd be lying to myself.
I have loads of laundry that i haven't touched in weeks. Some days i don't have dinner ready, most days HE does dinner. My sons' room is still a mess. I was suppose to clean up Naree's room and pull wallpaper so i can paint. Wallpaper is pulled but nothing else is done. My yard looks like shit.
So what? What good have you done Noy? Aren't those things called "wifey things"? Isn't that what mothers are suppose to do? YES!!! But you haven't done those, so what does that make you? NOT A VERY GOOD WIFE OR MOTHER.
Yes i said it. I must admit it. For all the things i try to tell myself that i am a good wife/mother....it still comes back to me not doing my job.
I hope i can find the answer to these things. I hope to be myself again. The girl he married 12 1/2  years ago.
Maybe i'm just mumbling out loud? I'm not sure what i'm doing, putting myself out here like this. It's not begging for attention........it's asking for understanding and acceptance of myself. Is that too hard to ask for?

Please GOD if you can hear me. I'm sure what i'm doing or saying at this point. But all i ask of you is to HELP me be a better person. That's all i ask of you. I know it has to start within myself but at this point i need your guidance. I don't think i can do this myself anymore. I need your help, your guidance. Please spare this mother and wife and please bring her back to her family so that they will enjoy her more and maybe, just maybe SHE will enjoy being herself again.
Amen!

new camera....no pictures!

I just bought a new camera...unforuntatly i can't get it to transfer the pictures from the camera to the computer. It might be a while until i have more posts.
I have plenty of pictures to post but i can't! No fun!!!
Who has have the Nikon coolpix P100? Or know anyone who has it? I need help!!!!!

What's been going on

I know this is a little late. But better late then never right?

For Easter, Lien decided we should do something different with the kids. We don't really hunt for Easter eggs. The last time we did that with the kids was like....3 years ago! We just never really got into it.
Anyways he decided to take us to the golf course hit some....all we did, well all they did, was hit the golf ball around to see how far it will go and to practice. I sat and watch, well i tried a little but mine never went far!

It was a really nice time though, not what i expected at all. The kids seem to enjoy it so it was good.

here's Lien teaching Naree how to do it!

 After the driving range we took the kids to have Dim Sum, but when we got there, there was a HUGE line!!! We waited a while but decided it wasn't worth waiting for. We were there 15 minutes and the line hasn't really moved so we left. I really think they shouldn't allow people to make reservations for Dim Sum. I mean it's not fair. Dim Sum is a first come first serve kinda deal...when you get your sit you still wait for the cart to come around. So reservations should be out of the questions. It's not fair to other people that are waiting for a sit.
Okay so i was venting a little! ; )
We ended up having lunch at Siam Cafe. We didn't even have to wait for a table! Plus the food was soo good! I'm glad we went to Siam Cafe, so were the kids too! After Siam we went to moms' for a while and then headed off home to relax!

umm yeah i should have taken my jeans off..don't know what i was thinking!

So a few weeks ago we decided that Yuki was in need of a hair cut! His hair was going wild!!!! He did pretty well, i must say. He didn't move too much..
I accidently cut his ear...just a little. Little man didn't like that too much. Now he looks nice, no wild hair everywhere. But it's already growing fast! He's such a cutie! No more Mr. Mcfluffy!!! ; )

Happy 30th!

I was a little scared to turn 30! Let me admitt that part first. It's not easy to tell yourself, or in my case, even think that 30 is coming up. I wasn't sure how i would feel or how i would act. I mean, am i going to act differently? Talk different? Walk different (you know?...old people? since my kids were saying i was getting old.). I've heard people say when you've reached 30, it's a whole new ball game! So to speak.... Would i become a better person? I'm not sure why i wondered all these things. I mean, come on now. I KNOW just because you're turning 30 doesn't mean everything has to change or YOU have to change. I was just a little paranoid and FREAKED that I am turning 30! Well in this case I already am 30. I am so freaked right now!

I thought I'd be spending the day alone, since Lien was going to work (or so i thought) and the kids were off to school. Lien told me he'd take the kids to school for me so i can stay home and rest. He had also given me permission to not do anything for the whole day! Wow!!!! No cleaning, no NOTHING! Awesome!
He woke the kids up and Naree got into bed with me, and gave me a hug! Nilun came in and gave me a hug plus said "happy birthday mommy"!...what a way to start off the day!
Anyways I helped him get the kids ready, got their lunch money, fixed Naree's hair and got them breakfast. After he took them to school i went back to bed, thinking i'll just lay down and relax for a bit then i'll figure out something to do. I'll tell you this though, i really didn't want to spend my b-day alone, espesically my 30th! So i'm laying there and next thing i know, i fell asleep. I thought i dreamed that i heard yuki barking but thought nothing of it. And then someone pulls the covers off of me!
What the heck????
"what are you doing here?" I asked while still in shocked that someone had came into my house and pulled the covers off me and can see my butt!---i was wearing only my undies! Thought someone was going to rape me or something..that would be horrible...well if it was Johnny Depp then it might be good! ; ) Hey a girl can dream right?....right?
"what are you doing sleeping? Get up! I decided to go to work a little bit later, i need to go to Best Buy to get a few things for the laptop. You can come with me and i'll drop you off before i go back to work? Well?"
"ummmm ok i'll go with you." good for me since i really didn't want to stay home alone!
So i'm up and washing my face and he comes in the bathroom and tells me "don't use anything on your hair ok?"
"i never do" i should have known something was up right?...wrong!
"but you can put on your makeup though"..
"no i don't want to today"
"you should.. go put it on. I don't want anyone seeing me with an old lady!"(he laughs) really? you had to say that on my 30th..especially when i'm already not feeling good about turning 30?

Off to Best Buy we go! When we get there, he's all like "wait, look...it's not open yet!" So I'm just like "so what are you going to do? Drive around till it opens?"
"Lets go to Sears and walk around till 10 then". he gives me an excuse about tools...that he needed to get new ones anyways.
We walk into the mall and i'm just walking straight ahead of him not paying attention and he calls out "hey, over here". I look and i'm kinda puzzled but i have a smile on my face. Why? Because he is standing inside of the salon waving me to get in plus I just can't stop smiling...i'm always that way. it's really irrating!
Anyways i walk in and i'm like "are you getting a hair cut?".
 Then the receptionist guy says " is she ready?" She???? what?
So by this time i'm totally confused! I look at the guy and look back at Lien and i said "wait! Am i getting my hair cut?"dur......clueless much?
 "yay you are".
"what? when did you do this?"
"about a week ago"
"is that why you were asking me about salons and mens hair cuts and stuff?"
"Yes" with a big smile on his face!
So i was really excited! I've been wanting to fix my hair, want it cut. So the highlights were a bonus!!!

After my hair cut i thought he'd be taking me home but he was like "forget it i'll go to work tomorrow. I don't want to go today, it's already noon". So i was of course very happy about that! Spend my day with my hubby? Of course i wanted to!!! truth was he had taken vacation but didn't tell me!
So he's driving and it doesn't look like the way home so i'm like "ok, what are you doing now?"
He tells me he missed the exit to home. yay right? like i'm going to believe that one!
He drives out to Beachwood and told me he'll give me a longer ride home. I'm game with that! I love "longer rides home"!
He drives into the Sushi Rock parking and i knew it!
"we're having sushi aren't we?"
"what? What are you talking about? I'm just turning around!"
"Oh, i thought we were having sushi"
The he pretends to do and little turn around and goes into a parking!
"Ok we are having suhsi...surprise!!!!"

I was so happy! I have been craving sushi! Wish you guys could have seen my silly smile by now!
We have sushi and talk and just enjoy ourselves! After that we went to pick up the kids at school, we also went to my moms' for a bit (i have to see mom on my b-day) and spend the rest of the day just relaxing and spending time with our family!

So me being all scared was all for nothing. What a great surprise he planned for me. He is such a sweet heart! Thinking back, i should have put all the pieces together, i mean all those questions he asked me and he kept on saying "sorry babe there's nothing for you this year. I have to work". I should have known he'd never do that to me. He is always up to something. I guess i probably had it figured it out already. I mean i thought about why he wasn't wearing his uniform to work, or why he was asking me about cutting hair and stuff. It did cross my mind but it also left my mind quickly too! Because every year he would just take me to dinner and shopping. He said he wanted to do something totally unexpected this year! And unexpected it was!
How else would i spend my 30th! Right?

30 is not going define me as a person at all. I will not let you stare me down and torment me with signs of wrinkles and laugh lines. You will not scare me by making gravity take over and winding my energy down. I will not let YOU tell me how to live!
30? You've got nothing on me. I'm not scared anymore. I think you've made me a lot wiser and happier! Thank you very much!
I'm going to embrace you and say BRING IT ON BABY!  I'm looking good and still feeling great. Silly of me to think you could bring me down. There is no turning back and i wouldn't want to!

Mom bought me a purple orchid which are like my most favorite flowers! Thanks mom! And Lien and the kids bought me the white one! We finished off the night with our favorite

crab legs and papaya salad. Crab legs thanks to mom for buying for me for my b-day!

So heres to me! Here's to turning 30 and still looking good (hey it's my birthday...i'm allowed to be a little conceited okay?!)
Here's to all the wrinkles i'm sure are coming my way but i'll be okay with that....i think. But most of all here's to many more birthdays! I'm enjoying life. I have the most wonderful family and friends who are dearest to my heart! That's what i'm thankful for!
Cheers to you #30!!!